Since my last post, I feel like a lot has changed.
I have cut ties with Michael. And, a lot of people attribute it to the fact that I no longer hate Nathan. Where do people come up with this crap…? Anyway, the ties are cut. And it has nothing to do with him being a bad guy. He was a great guy, went above and beyond any expectations, treated me well, was funny (sometimes), among other things. He had potential, but I just am not ready. After a longish phone call with my dad, I realize that’s okay. I think I went into things with Mike for the wrong reasons, and that isn’t fair to him. A big part of me was afraid of being alone, and Mike was the first decent guy post-breakup so I went full force into that. And that’s what I did. I forced it. It just felt forced. Like there were a lot of geniunely awesome moments with him, but at the end of the day I would go home and wonder what the hell I was doing. And of course I know how happy he was with everything so I wanted to be happy too, but it just didn’t feel right. And when something doesn’t feel right, it usually isn’t.
But, Nathan and I are on good terms. Shoutout to his fraternity brother for telling him to read the previous gem. And I’m glad because as you all know, I hated hating him. We were talking today, I forget about what, but I said something about “I’ll pay you in Admiral Nelson” which for those of you who may luckily be unaware, it was his favorite (horrible/cheap/gross) rum. He responded with “I’ve since moved on to bigger and better things!” and that caught me off guard. Like what? I don’t even know you anymore. And that seriously bummed me out. I realized I didn’t want to not know him, I didn’t want him to become a stranger.