After last nights’ post I got a lot of positive feedback about how much people love how honest I am in my posts. “Honest?” I thought, how on earth….? Sure it was the honest truth, but I didn’t write a whole lot of vivid details of what I’m feeling. Just that I was feeling them. Truthfully, I wish I could be more honest with what I write. I would love to go into every (seemingly) insignificant detail of my life and how I feel and what I feel and why I feel that way. But I can’t. And that is simply because I don’t know. I hardly know how I’m feeling half the time, let alone why I feel that way or what triggered it or whatever. So, I don’t see a need to write something when I’m not sure about it. I’m 100% certain about very few things, which is probably why I blog about them so much? But even when I am 100% certain, I’m not 100% certain that I should let my feelings be known. I’ve been burned way too many times by being open and honest and I guess I have finally learned my lesson. I hate that it has to be that way, like I’m being punished for being honest. But does it really have to be that way? I guess in some ways it does, and I also have to learn to deal with it. Which is for sure annoying, but I digress.

So I guess I’ll just be honest.

I know about four things for certain.

1. Navy is my color.

2. English bulldog puppies will exist in my future home.

3. Living in Columbia requires adding an extra fiftenn minutes to travel time due to the trains.

4. I still have some kind of feelings for that idiot/smart/annoying/funny/crazy freakin’ boy.

I’m not really sure what the feelings are, because there’s a lot of them. Those of rage and anger have subsided, but those of hurt and disgust have certainly not. Neither have those of compassion and love. I think it’s a little unrealistic to expect someone to stop caring for someone that instant. I mean, hello, these things take time. Something about him makes me want to kiss him and punch him in the face at the same time. It’s really annoying too because I don’t think I’ve ever had feelings that varied for one person. Although he may drive me up a wall sometimes, I cannot deny that he aids in putting the biggest smile on my face.

Interweb friends, there you have it. Honesty I’ve been evading for a while. I’m already punching myself in the face for writing this. So I sure hope someone appreciates my honesty.



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