No, not the condiment commonly put on hamburgers and hot dogs. An attempt at me spelling “catch up” funny. Anyway…

It’s been a whole month since I’ve posted. But, in my defense, I’ve been super busy pulling 50 hour work weeks since classes/finals/the semester from satan are over, so I have been jotting down little notes about things I think I should blog about whenever I had some time. Since I ended up not having to work at the mall tonight, I am gracing you all with a fabulous and possibly lengthy blog post.

For starters:

social norms are ridiculous. Far too often I noticed myself and friends becoming preocupied by the whole “who texts first” concept. Why is it assumed that because we text first we’re desperate and clingy and crazy? And why is it expected that we wait around all day for the other person to text first? If you want to talk to someone…. just talk to them?! The unneccessary complication of the once seemingly simple art of conversation is absurd. So screw the social norms. Screw fearing social backlash for *gasp* texting a guy first. End rant.

I’ve learned a few things as I officially rid myself of the toxicity of relationships past. Most importantly, it’s not about who wins, who has the upper hand, or who can replace the other faster, It’s about finally getting the happiness you deserve. Initially, myself, along with I’m guessing several other people in the world, my main focus was to find something, maybe even someone, else that would make me blissfully happy so that the whole world would know it. But that really isn’t what’s important. 97% of the time, that first happiness you find, isn’t really happiness. It’s you, forcing yourself, into the first semi-decent thing that strolls your way. It doesn’t matter if you get the last word in arguments that have lost all meaning and importance. It isn’t who walks away being the better person. Okay, maybe it is a liiiiiiittle of that, because if you walk away a shit head, I feel bad for you. But seriously. The second you stop being so preoccupied with how you THINK you should be handling things, you’ll start handling them properly. And that, in turn, will show you reeeeeal live happiness.

My friend Shane wanted to get creative, contribute to this space, and now I am relaying this message to you all:

“Hi, my name is Shane. I’m your typical nerd. I play card games and video games. I lift for fun and I like spending time laughing at nothing with my wonderful girlfriend. There is a lot to love about her, she’s my academic equal, she is a sorority girl (which for a G.D.I is pretty damn cool), and she’s like a window. Now, most people say having a girlfriend who is a window is not so “hot” rather it’s weird. I say she’s a window and people think I am being poetic, the secondly heralded Robert Frost. The funny thing is, I am not. Her being like a window is mandatory for relationship success. I am a rather logical guy, I break things down with reason. Just ask BlondeGirl. So I’m here to tell you about my theory of windows.

Why do we have windows? Windows are a way for us to gaze into the fearful, yet awe inspiring world around us. Windows are a clear portal to another world, so to speak. They protect us as well, and can shield us from the nasty effects of the elements. That terrible driving wind and sleet isn’t going to enter your home, all thanks to your window! However, it’s pretty neat to see the sleet from the inside right? This analogy will serve as a medium as to how you should view that special someone.

I see love like a window. No Frozen fans, love isn’t an open door (we see how that went). I see my girlfriend as a window. She is clear, she let’s me see the world through her eyes and how I could be best. I can see a slight reflection of myself in the window, but I can mainly see into a new world. Go ahead, when you are done reading this go to a window and stare at it, you will see yourself and the world around you. However, it is faulty to assume all windows aren’t damaged. Of course, my window has a few dings and scratches, but that is because of the past. The weather outside can be more than frightful. It can be down right nasty. Stones can break a window. The weather will beat at it constantly. A window is not a one way street. You need to find a window that will not be totally broken, and there is only so much fixing you can do yourself. Some windows are worth fixing with love and adoration.

Some windows, are beyond repair. See, some windows just chose to let the elements wear them down. These windows are completely shattered and have jagged edges. When you go to touch these windows they will cut you and draw blood. They won’t protect you from the outside either. Those windows, the ones I am referring to, are the bad exes you’ve all dealt with. The exes who want nothing more than to see you suffer, and if they don’t want it, they absolutely won’t go out of their way to help you avoid it. These windows need to be cut out. Replaced, is probably a better word here.

I’m going to end on a slightly dorky note. Hearthstone is my favorite game ever. It’s a card game and it’s free. Trust me and see me through this. I play a deck type called “Warrior”, the whole point is to armor yourself up to take a lot of damage upfront to pay off late with big and powerful creatures. “Sheildmaiden” is one of the cards I use to help fortify my defenses against threats. What I am saying is, you can let you guard down. “The best defense is the best offense” strategy doesn’t always work. While i win 90% of the time, I get beaten easily by swarm decks. Sometimes, there is too much around for me to handle. That’s when I call for help with cards like Shieldmaiden. That’s when you ask for your significant other to help you. Shieldmaiden helps me stop the bleeding from those rush decks. If your significant other can’t be your shieldmaiden, and you can​’t be theirs. Then maybe, they are a broken window and want to see a little blood drawn. But hey, I can’t say I’m right or wrong. I’m just a guy, remember?”

What a gem. What a nerd. This kid is too great, and quite the poetic writer. Find him on Facebook and commend him for his talents. (Shane Donovan).

Last week, I completely lost my shit on someone who didn’t deserve it. I don’t mean freaked out because they left the cap off the toothpaste. I mean totally, butt crazy, flipped out, for absolutely no good reason. It wasn’t just like, one comment, it was eight. EIGHT COUNTS OF CRAZY BITCH AGAINST ME. Well done. Like, why didn’t someone stop me? Or hit me? Or take my phone and bury it six feet under? I just completely lost my chill. And it didn’t even hit me until today that I should probably apologize for being bat shit……. which I’m also embarassed of. Not only should this have never happened, but it shouldn’t have taken so long for me to put on my big girl pants and admit I was wayyyyyy out of line. So, friends, learn from my mistakes. Don’t flip out on guys who don’t deserve it, just because you’re overthinking and not using the big, beautiful brain your parents gave you. And if you do, you aren’t alone, but don’t be an idiot and wait forever to apologize because welp, but then, you’ve really screwed the boot.

And my final thought, I don’t think anyone is actually good at relationships, rather you find someone who can balance you out. I was feeling especially meh after several failed dates, and was convinced there had to be SOMETHING wrong with me. Maybe my sense of humor didn’t exist? Maybe I shouldn’t have had that last beer? Did I stumble into some bad lighting? Now I’m taking it to far, but really. I was convinced that I was sucky at dating, and felt like my next move didn’t exist. I mean, the plan for most is to graduate, get a job, get engaged, and then the real world ensues with mortgages and babies and anniversaries and wedding scrap books. Maybe my plans have changed. But then again, maybe they haven’t. Maybe I wasn’t a sucky date. Maybe these dudes just didn’t have the proper balance. Maybe THEY weren’t funny enough, or boasted egos big enough for the both of us, maybe it really isn’t me.

Don’t be too hard on yourself. Things work out, super funny, rarely make sense, at least right now. Long run, it’ll all come together.

Or so I’ve been told.



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