From A Girl’s Perspective

The other night, I was talking to my best friend Cassidy. We usually have about 50% mindless banter, and 50% meaningful conversation. We had kicked off the conversation with the same old how are ya yadda yadda and then we got into a topic that we probably get into way too much: “Why are we single?”

Yep, you’ve caught us. Sterotypical twenty-something females. Sue us. It’s not like we’re dramatically crying into one anothers arms chugging wine and pounding pints of Ben & Jerry’s (though we’ve been there before too) questioning this, but a geniune wonder for why? We’re about as normal as they come. Educated, sarcastic, and I mean we’re not hideous (never sure whether we’re supposed to be bold and say were  beautiful or coy and say we’re just alright, thanks society). We live in cities crawling with eligible dudes. So what’s wrong with us? What’s wrong with them?

Hookup culture is something that has become so prevalent in today’s society. And I freaking hate it. It’s the dumbest thing in the world, like for one night and one night only you can have the man of your dreams in exchange for your dignity and then the next day he’s gone without a trace. Which at first, isn’t exactly a bad thing, because why would you want to see a douche like that again? But after a while, and the same pattern repeating itself, the whole thing loses its allure. It shouldn’t have any allure to begin with. Why has this become okay? Who decided this was the norm? Let’s change that.

So through our conversation, Cass and I came up with a list of 100 things (yes, really, 100 things) about relationships that trump any hookup you will ever have. (Mom, stop reading).

  1. Sex gets better when its consistent and with the same person and you are COMFORTABLE with them.
  2. No more worrying about being judged for what you may or may not be into. (This extends outside the bedroom folks).
  3. You can also just eat pizza in bed at 2 AM and be just as perfectly happy.
  4. Consequently to that, you have someone to look forward to waking up late with and making breakfast for. Not being afraid to roll over and see someone that you’re unsure how you feel about.
  5. Or if you run out of eggs, going to breakfast in your sweats together is totally acceptable, and in some cases, encouraged.
  6. Mundane things like trips to Target instantly get more fun with another person there to throw the bouncy balls at.
  7. I’ll buy you things because I want to. Could be a new tie, could be your favorite candy bar.
  8. I’ll do nice things for you because I want to. Could be surprising you with a night out, could be surprising you with a case of your favorite beer and a back rub.
  9. I’ll make an effort to learn how to play whatever damn video game seems to be popular at the time. And if I suck, I’m sorry.
  10. If you like the same sports team, great! If not, there is nothing wrong with a little healthy competition.
  11. No judgements, just support.
  12. But, I will not hesitate to give you a dose of reality when you need it.
  13. Going to sport events with a girl who actually knows her sports is infinitely more fun. Bonus points for being able to enjoy a beer.
  14. Moms love me. So don’t even worry if your ex was a psycho.
  15. I could drink a bottle of wine with that lady, or go to church with her on a Sunday.
  16. Dads also love me. You got very lucky here.
  17. And hell, you and I can drink a bottle of wine together instead.
  18. I also like puppies and I know where guys stand with that (any guy worth being with at least).
  19. PLEASE go hang out with your guy friends. Yes, I’m serious. No, it’s not a test.
  20. Valentines suddenly becomes waaaaaay less of a joke. Admit it, it’s kinda fun in the corny way.
  21. Annnnnnnnd it’s also my half birthday.
  22. But don’t worry about doubling up. Don’t worry about doing anything at all actually.
  23. Always having someone down to adventure with, whether its kayaking or bridge jumping in the summer, or snowboarding and enjoying the hot tub at a ski lodge in the winter.
  24. Naps are also kind of fun.
  25. Combining friend groups = killer football tailgates.
  26. Actually parties for every sport.
  27. I like the cold and the warm soooooo I could probably go wherever you wanted to.
  28. I have zero problem cleaning the house and making dinner nightly.
  29. But please bring home the wine (compromise is key here, babe).
  30. I like red meat and pasta but you can also expect some serious veggies  or interesting salads.
  31. It doesn’t always have to be a grand gesture for me.
  32. But if you choose to do something big, I won’t complain.
  33. Plan on me decorating the shit out of wherever you live, since guys for whatever reason don’t decorate and girls for whatever reason thrive on it.
  34. I’m down to up my golf game but sometimes I might just come for the beer on the back 9.
  35. Actually please try to help me get better at golf. I’ll be thankful as hell.
  36. But I promise, no lame matching outfits.
  37. Beach bummin it is way more fun when you have someone to share cooler duty with.
  38. Not necessarily me though, guys weekend is cool too. But know when you come back, I’m here with a big ole bottle of champagne, and a few other things.
  40. I have friends too so enjoy not being text bombed while you’re gone.
  41. Your space is yours and I can respect that.
  42. But I need a big chunk of the closet. I’m sorry. (Again, compromise).
  43. Suddenly going to all our friends weddings doesn’t become a daunting task searching for a date.
  44. And I sure won’t stop you from taking advantage of the open bar because I’ll be doing it too.
  45. Any clear liquor will do.
  46. Actually I’m fine with anything. If it’s for free, it’s for me.
  47. Netflix n chill without having to send the awkward texts.
  48. Back rubs are given (but I may hope youll play with my hair in return).
  49. I don’t turn into a lap dog when we’re on the couch. I actually thing it’s adorable when you lay on mine.
  50. Big and fuzzy blanket is a must for that setup. Preferrably with a comedy in the background on a Sunday with crappy weather.
  51. If you have a passport I will harass you to use the hell out of it. Too young to stay stationary.
  52. Or we could also try that new taco place downtown. That’s still kinda far?
  53. It’ll give us way cooler things to reminisce on than sitting at home wondering how we got so lame.
  54. Plus, that’s developing something to be proud of. Creating some meaningful memories is truly a blessing.
  55. I’m not petty and I choose my battles wisely, but they will happen. And it’s okay.
  56. But if I’m in the wrong, I can admit it, and my apologies are usually the Fourth of July because I know my sass can be a bit much sometimes.
  57. Wake up? Snug.
  58. Pass out? Snug.
  59. We can play hooky together (I’m not 5 I swear).
  60. But if you actually are sick, I know a really good soup recipe and I will make it for you by the gallon until you start to feel normal.
  61. Need some alone time? I’ll be on the porch if ya need me.
  62. If your guy friends girlfriends suck, just know you got #blessed.
  63. I mean, I think my parents are pretty awesome..
  64. I will do my best to stay in your parents good graces but for the love of God make sure they don’t call me a “damn yankee”. This is your only warning.
  65. If I cross a line with your parents, or even anyone you care for, tell me. Chances are, I didn’t realize it, as everyone communicates differently, and I will make it better. I want the people that you hold close to love me, maybe even more than they love you.
  66. But I’ll never try to steal your thunder. These are YOUR people to make proud, and you’ve done that thus far.
  67. You don’t have to love my sisters, but I’m pretty sure you will anyway.
  68. If you see my sisters and I exchanging sass, it’s totally normal I promise.
  69. Lol.
  70. I’m clearly good with the dirty jokes. Won’t bother me.
  71. I don’t get bored easily, and I am also not boring.
  72. I have flaws and recognized them a while ago, so know that they are a work in progress if you notice them too.
  73. I’m good with cuddling but like…. when you want to sleep, roll me over. I don’t want to be responsible for giving you a dead arm.
  74. But when you wake up, please roll me on back.
  75. I will try so damn hard to make whatever you want in the kitchen. This is what I get for loving to cook.
  76. If I mess it up, I promise I will be the one to pick up the takeout.
  77. But that’s with anything. I always try my best, but know how to recover if that doesn’t work out.
  78. I’ll try to look cute when I sleep.
  79. But it won’t happen so please just love me for me, even when me is quietly snoring at 4 AM.
  80. Also when I’m/we’re coming home at all hours of the night after painting the town red. Chances are, my makeup has long fell off my face, and my hair should have been in a bun hours before this.
  81. If you want a cat? Let’s get one. Want a puppy? Holy hell yes please.
  82. I’m really good at naming pets but I could probably let you help.
  83. I’ll show you my horrible yearbook photos if you show me yours.
  84. I’m proud of my senior superlative (Most likely to be on reality TV).
  85. I cant wait to see the eye roll that ensues when your mom pulls out your baby pictures. I’m sure they aren’t that bad.
  86. Trust me I had my rough years too.
  87. I am the queen of compromise.
  88. I will love your family dog. Even if he is annoyed by my excitement to see him.
  89. You don’t have to be up my butt 24/7 being cute and showing me affection, but I need it enough to know I matter. Truthfully I’m more worried about keeping you happy than my own happiness.
  90. So please don’t take advantage of it.
  91. COMPROMISE! Lets be super goofballs and then super serious ten minutes later.
  92. I will probably cry sometimes and it probably won’t always be your fault but don’t look at me like I’m crazy because then it will be your fault. But I’ll feel bad about exposing you to that.
  93. I’m all about talking through problems rather than playing the petty game.
  94. And if I make the same mistake again, I’m sorry. Third times the charm?
  95. I’ll visit you at work but not so much that your coworkers worry.
  96. You can visit me at mine too if ya want.
  97. Up for whatever.
  98. Wanna climb to the top of a mountain? Ok. Wanna climb to the other side of the hammock? Also ok.
  99. I’m honest, and maybe to a fault. But I’m an awful liar and I’ll never try to bullshit you.
  100. Even if you steal the blankets more than I do, or forget to put the toilet seat down, or finish the ranch and don’t tell me, I still think you’re the greatest guy on earth, just for putting up with me.


Who doesn’t want that? Or some version of that?

After listing all of that, what could possibly make the awkward morning after a hookup yields sound more appealing?

I don’t think that these sort of “benefits” ever cross peoples mind. We’re a generation focused on immediate gratification; we’re impatient. And that has killlllllllled peoples idea of functioning relationships. Guys think girls are amazing if they make them easy mac. Consequently, girls think guys are great if they have a 3 day snap streak with them. Isn’t all of this worth the extra wait?

Well, for me, it is.



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